Before my brother passed, he suffered a mental breakdown. It got so bad he was doing some stuff that would be unimaginable to some of you. Out of respect for my mother, I prefer not to reveal the specifics of his behaviour in this article.

But trust me when I say, I do understand the suffering caused by mental illness.

As you are well aware, mental illness does not only inflict pain on its sufferer, it also inflicts massive pain on their love ones.

It’s painful to see someone you have known, loved, and respected for most of your life suffer a mental breakdown.

When they do not even recognise who you are or when they utter incoherent babble.

That’s painful.

I used to have long talks with my brother. He was a vicar, so was good with words.

Even though I live in Europe, when I was down, I called him and he always encouraged me to get off the canvas and continue the fight. To see my brother who I admired reduced to insanity was painful.

He survived fourteen years of civil war.

He survived the Ebola outbreak that killed over ten thousand people.

He survived a divorce from his first wife.

Then when his second wife passed, he had a nervous breakdown.

I feel sad for him as I recount his story.

How can one individual be subjected to so much suffering in a single lifetime?

The shrink will say the death of his wife was the final straw.

Yes, but.

Why was he able to cope with fourteen years of war and still come out on the other side with all his faculties intact?

Ebola was even deadlier.

Coronavirus has shown us how deadly viruses can be.

And he was able to come out on the other side of Ebola.

In the end, it was his personal trauma that took him out.

Why Was That the Case?

I will argue, his ability to easily deal with the traumas from the war and Ebola stems from the fact that those were global incidents.

The entire country suffered from the war and was impacted by Ebola.

However, when it came to the death of his wife, it was personal.

If his wife had died during the war or from Ebola, his reaction would have been different because many people were suffering loss at the time.

My brother’s mental illness provides evidence to support the fact that mental illness,  in most instances, comes down to our assessment of the situation we face.

Expert after expert have alluded to the fact that trauma or stress happens inside of us.

Trauma is not what happens to us but our response to what happens.

As Victor Frankl wrote “Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.”

Our lives are full of a series of potential stressors.

We get fired.

We fail an exam.

Our relationships fall apart.

Our pets die.

Our bosses are jerks.

Our spouses run off with their secretaries or personal trainers.

We get evicted for non-payment of rent.

These are all potential stressors and sometimes unavoidable events in our lives.

Remember, between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space, we have the choice to choose our response.

The problem is, most of the time, we either forget the fact that we have the choose our response, or we lack the skills to choose the right response.

Why don’t we assert our right to choose our response?

Faced with the war and Ebola, my brother’s perception was that it was global. Everyone in the country faced the same threat, so, it was bearable.

The death of his wife was a personal event that required personal response. Faced with the personal choice, he froze because he viewed the situation as a threat.

Accurate response to any situation depends on accurate framing.

When faced with new situations, our tendency is to frame them either as a challenge or a threat.

The challenge or threat framing situation usually determines our choice of response.

When viewed as a challenge, our attitude is, it’s a situation within our ability to handle.

In such instance, we proactively take actions that would lead us to a positive resolution.

When viewed as a threat, our attitude is: it’s a situation beyond our ability to cope.

In such instance, we do not engage in constructive response. We respond with emotionally gratifying actions as opposed to actions that lead to real resolution.

Why do we lack the requisite skills to choose the right response?

It’s because the majority of people lack emotional intelligence.

The lack of emotional intelligence is the biggest problem we face as a society.

Because emotional intelligence is viewed as something innate, that cannot be learnt, most parents do not view it as a skill they need to teach their children.

There are seriously mentally ill people who deserve our love and support.

But there are also a large majority of people diagnosed with mental illness whose real disease is the inability to cope with the complexities of life.

To repeat the previous assertion, it’s not the events that cause trauma, it’s the response to the event.

Trauma is internal.

Trauma is not external.

The problem is, we have been conditioned to respond to events in our lives in a certain manner, so when such event occurs, the predetermined response is activated.

Anyone who does not respond to life events in the expected manner is considered a psychopath.

It’s the fear of being considered a psychopath, in addition to the conditioning,  that makes people respond to life’s events the way they do.

What needs to be made very clear is, the majority of those diagnosed with mental illness are simply people lacking the ability to deal with the complexities of life, people who respond to life events the way they have been conditioned to respond.

Except we are able to make this distinction, we will struggle to alleviate the suffering of the mentally ill.

Why Do the Mentally Ill Suffer?

There was a time when only a very tiny minority of our population were diagnosed with mental illness. During those times, the mentally ill were kept in lunatic asylums situated far away from the prying eyes of the general public.

Within a few short years, mental illness diagnosis has shot through the roof, making it impossible for the mentally ill to be locked up in asylums.

Research shows that one in four Americans and Brits have mental health issues.

If the research is to be believed, eight hundred and twenty-five thousand Americans and one hundred and seventy-one thousand Brits are mentally unstable.

With that number of mentally ill people walking the street, why is there not an epidemic of violent crime?

Either the research is wrong or the definition of mental illness is questionable.

But the key question that needs answering is: are more people becoming mentally impaired or have too many people fallen victim to the expanding definition of mental illness?

When the main character in the movie “Shakespeare in Love” was asked questions, his usual answer was “I don’t know; it’s a mystery.”.

The puzzle surrounding the rising levels of mental illness in our population needs a resolution: Are more and more people getting mentally impaired or is the definition of mental illness expanding to include ordinary everyday human suffering?

I don’t know, it’s a mystery.

But, then again, I do know; there is no real mystery.